Allison, Ill. Feb. 3.
 Brother
Charley. Well Charley this is a funny World where a
man has neighbors on 1 side of you that you couldent fine
no better peopl no wheres and on the other side peopl
that they aint nothing to mean and small for them to do
and allways trying to make you missable.
A man name Martin and his wife
is the peopl that we got liveing the next door on the
left and I and Martins been going down town on the same
train to gather and thats the way how we got aquanted so
the other night I and him happen to get on the same train
comeing home and set in the same seat and I ast him why
dident him and his Mrs. come over some night and play
cards and he says he dident need nothing to put him to
sleep and I guess he ment I would probily fill him up
with beer but beffore we got home he promused to bring
the Mrs. and come over and last night was the night they
come. Well Charley you ought to see this here Mrs.
Martin. She aint nothing but a girl you might say
and prety as a pitcher and dresses as good is a course
girl and you could set down and read the evening paper
with out no electrick light if she was in the rm. with
her dimonds.
She took quiet a shine to Grace
right a way and ast her did she sew her own close or
where did she get them and Grace says no in deed she
hadent had no time to sew her own close sence 3 yrs. a go
when little Ed was born and Mrs. Martin says she thot may
be the close was made beffore that and the reason she
thot Grace must of made them was on acct. of she never
seen nothing like them in the stores wile she was
shopping. So of corse Grace was tickeled to deth
like all the wommen when you swell them up a bout there
close and her and Mrs. Martin got a long fine but Mrs.
Martin dont play cinch so we set down and played rummy
and Martin insist it we should play for $.01 a pt. to
make it intrusting so we played a wile and I loose $1.60
and Grace loose $.80 but it was worth the money the fun
we had.
So after we was threw plain
cards and we was seting a round drinking a bottle of beer
and all of a sudden they was a crash on the back porch
and I and Martin run out there and a cat had knocked the
garbidge pale over and I called Grace to see whos cat it
was and she says it was Hamiltons cat the peopl that
lives the next door to us on the other side then the
Martins lives on. And Grace says the same cat had
been doing it right a long because all most evry A. M.
she found the pale laying on the porch so I says why dont
they feed the cat at home and she wouldn't half to go
prolling a round the neighbors hood to get some thing to
eat and then Martin says may be the Hamiltons was sore at
us and starved there cat on the purpose so as she would
come over and undisterb us evry night and he ast me if Id
gave Hamilton any reason to get sore at me that would
make him pull off a trick like that.
So I says well may be Hamilton
was sore at me but he dident have no more reason to be
sore at me then me to be sore at him because it was a
horse a peace so Martin ast me to tell him a bout it so I
told him that we had gave a party 1 night and hadent ast
the Hamiltons on acct. of them not calling on Grace after
she had payed them a call when we 1st movved out here so
Hamilton and his wife got sore on acct. of us not asking
them to our party and 1 of the boys that come to the
party got to many drinks under his belt and done the foxy
trot out on the side walk and Hamilton sent for the night
watch man and had me arested for disterbing the piece and
so a little wile latter to get back at him I fixed it up
with the sherrifs ofice to send 1 of the deputys out to
Hamiltons house 1 P. M. when Mrs. Hamilton was giveing a
party and plain action bridge whist for money and the
deputy told Mrs. Hamilton she was arested for runing a
gambleing house and of corse nothing come out of it
accept that they was a peace in the papers a bout it and
I onily done it to get even.
So Martin says probily Hamilton
suspect it me of bean the 1 that sent the deputy out
there and was trying to make things missable for me by
starveing there cat so she would yowel a round our house
all night and
Martin says if
he was me he would lern Hamilton a lesson and I says how
and he says for me to think up some trick to play on him
so as he would quitt monking with me. So Im going
to try and think up some thing and I would shoot his cat
onily it aint the cats falt that there starveing her to
deth and a cats got to eat the same as a human bean.
Well Charley I wisht you and
Mary could get a look at Mrs. Martin when shes dolled up
for the evening and she pretter then Edna Tangay or any
of them stage beatys and last night she had on a dress
that you kept thinking may be it would fall off because
you couldent see what was keeping it on but it must of
been attacked on some wheres with stables or some thing
and her arms and neck and soldiers was bear and all spred
over with this here tacklum powder and evry time she come
clost to you you thot you was in a Green house or to a
funeral or some wheres. Martin was all dood it up
to and they was a swell looking pare but a man would half
to spend a bout a wk. in a barber shop beffore he would
look good enough to run a round with her.
Well Charley I wisht it would
warm up a little and Im burning pretty near a ton of cole
a wk. and still Grace comeplanes a bout how cold the
house is but I guess she would comeplane of the cold if
we was liveing down to the South Pole and if the house
was relay cold last night like Grace says why dident Mrs.
Martin make some remark a bout it because if any body was
cold she ought to been with out no more than a batheing
sute on you might say.
Rgds. to Mary and take care of
your self.
Your Bro.
Fred A. Gross.
Allison, Ill.
Feb. 12.
Brother Charley. Well Charley I guess this here
Hamilton will keep his cat to home and mine his own
busness beffore I and him is threw with each other.
I found out today from Grace that Mrs. Hamilton is going
to give a party the day after tomorrow night the 14 and
the way I found out a bout it was the little irish girl
that comes and sets in the house with the babys wile wear
out nights found it out from Hamiltons higher girl and
thats how I come to find out a bout it.
Grace was telling me a bout it
at breakfast this A. M. and wile she was telling me a
bout it a idear come to me because she says it was going
to he a valentine party because the 14 is valentine day
so I thot all of a sudden a bout sending this here
Hamilton a valentine not 1 of these pretty ones that
folds up with the flowers on them but a comical 1 only it
would be so comical it would make him sore and he
wouldent get no laugh out of it. So I set down
besides Martin on the train going down town and I told
him a bout me going to send Hamilton a valentine and he
says it was a grate idear only you should ought to go
stronger then that and pull off some thing else on him a
long with it and I says what could I pull and he brot up
a bout the party the Hamiltons is going to have and ast
me couldent I get a hold of 1 of these sines the helth
bord hangs up on a house when the residence has got some
decease and got to be quarnteed and he says if I could
get a hold of 1 of them sines and hang it under the
electrick light on Hamiltons porch the night of the party
the guests would all of them see it and be scared to go
in the house and turn around and go home and Hamilton and
his wife would set there all evening wondring why dident
there friends come to the party.
Well Charley I seen right a way
that was better then sending him a valentine but Im going
to send him a valentine to and I got 1 down town today
and going to male it to him tomorrow and its some
valentine Charley a pitcher of a big hog drawed on it and
then theys some pottery under the pitcher that says.
They ought
to keep you in a pen
Not let you be with other men
Your not a man but just a big
Dissgusting stupid greasy pig
I guess that
will give him some thing to think a bout hey Charley but
I was going to tell you a bout the sine I got a hold of
and it says SMALL POX in big letters on it and Im going
to sneek over there the night of the party as soon is it
gets dark and hang it up right under where they allways
got the electrick light on the porch and the guests cant
help from seen it when they get ready to ring the door
bell and then they will see the sine and beat it home and
Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton can have there party all to them
self and may be some peopl might think it was a dirty
trick but it aint ½ as bad is starveing your cat so as
she will come over evry night and knock a mans garbidge
pale over. And yowel a round the house.
Well Charley I will write and
let you know all a bout the Hamiltons big valentine party
hey Charley.
Your Bro.
F. A. Gross.
Allison, Ill.
Feb. 15.
Dear Charley. Well Charley Grace has went to bed
and says she wouldent set up no longer with me because I
was to mean and cross and I guess I got a right to feel
sore but she dont know nothing a bout it because I dident
tell her nothing a bout it.
Well Charley I told you a bout
me sending Hamilton that valentine and I just ment it in
fun and what do you think he done Charley but he must of
did it beffore he ever got my valentine because I sent it
to him Wed. A. M. and when I stoped in at the P. O. Wed.
on the way to the train to go in to town they was a
letter there for me only it wasent no letter but a
valentine 1 of the dirtest you ever seen Charley a
pitcher of a man that was suposed to be a detective only
they was a bandige over his eyes so as he couldent see
nothing and he was holding out his hand and a stick up
guy or some thing was puting a role of bills in his hand
and under the neath they was a pome sane all detectives
was cheap grafters. Well Charley it made me so sore
I couldent hardily talk and when
 I got
on the train Martin seen they was some thing wrong so he
ast me what was the matter so I showed him the valentine
and he says he dident blame me for getting sore and who
ever sent it was a dirty trick and if he was me he
wouldent never rest till he found out who sent it and
then he would get even with them. Well the address
on the envellop was wrote with a tipe writer so I
couldent tell whose hand writeing it was so I says to
Martin how was I going to find out who sent it and he
says I thot you was a detective and I says I am a
detective but I dont know no body mean enough to pull off
a stunt like that and he says I bet it was your friend
Hamilton and as soon is he menshoned Hamiltons name of
corse I knowed it must of been him.
Well Charley what do you think
of a man that will pull off a dirty trick like that and
he aint man enough to come out and say some thing to my
face and I told Martin I says I would go to Hamiltons
house on my way home that night and call him out on the
porch and bust his jaw for him and Martin says if I done
that it would get into all the papers and I would get in
bad and besides that would spoil my idear a bout hanging
the small pox sine on Hamiltons door because if I took a
punch at Hamilton he would probily half to call in the
Dr. and go to bed and they wouldent be no party. So
I decide it to try and hold on to my temper and that
night when I seen the Hamiltons was eating there supper I
snuck over on there porch and hung the sine up and then I
came home and ett supper and set where I could look over
on there porch and what do you think Charley he was to
cheap to light up the electrick light
on the front
porch and it was as dark is a pitch but he dident never
light the light all evening but just left the porch dark
and of corse the peopl that come to the party couldent
see no sine or nothing else on the porch so they went in
the house like they was nothing wrong and I could hear
them singing and enjoin them self till after
midnight. What do you think of a guy Charley thats
so cheap he wont light up his lights but just as soon
leave his frends stumble in the dark and brake there
neck.
Well Charley I finely went to
bed when I seen they wasent nothing comeing off and as
soon is I got up yest. A. M. I looked over there and some
body had tooken the sine down allready. Well I
guess Grace must think Im sick or some thing the way I
been acting yest. and today because Im still so sore yet
that I cant hardily talk to no body and if it wasent like
picking on a baby I
would go over
to Hamiltons house right now and bust his big nose for
him.
I dont half to tell you Charley
that I dident never take a nickle that wasent comeing to
me and the only thing I ever got from stick up men was
abuse and thats because I been after them all iny life
and if it wasent for me theyd brake in to the mayors
house wile he was eating his lunch and steal the cream of
his coffee but they aint been ½ the stick ups and
burglerys sence I been over looking that end of it and
now this swell head pup trys to call me a thief and a
grafter but you can bet your last shirt that he will hear
from me beffore Im threw with him the cheap bum.
Well Charley they should ought
to be a law against sending these here valentines and it
may be it might be all O. K. to send them pretty
valentines with the flowers on them to the wommen but
they should ought to bar these here comical ones and
there a bout as comical is a hanging over to the county
jail and it might be all right to send them for a joke
but not try and inselt some body and call them a
crook. Hes so crook it him self that you couldent
pull corks with him hey Charley.
Your Bro.
Fred A. Gross
 
|